Saturday, September 13, 2014

He is not the man you desire, yet you remain with him. WHY?

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I am writing this post with a mixture of sadness and anger. A story of a lady who was killed by her boyfriend because she refused his proposal inspired this. On her way to the hospital, she said it wasn’t the first time he was violent and she didn’t have the intention of marrying him. It got me thinking, “Why was she still with him if she knew she wasn’t going to marry him?” May her soul rest in peace; but if she had left him earlier, she might still be alive.

The sad and annoying thing is many ladies do this. They date guys they don’t truly love and chicken out when he proposes or actually act like a chicken and enter into a marriage they regret after a few years. It is one of the reasons why many marriages fail. Now I am asking the ladies, “Why remain with a guy if he isn’t the man you desire?”  Is it

For the Money? If you don’t love him, don’t love his money; and if he is not your kind of guy, don’t spend his money. It is unfair to deceive a guy and pretend you love him because your eyes are on his cash or his bank account, and then break his heart in the end. Ladies with big mouths, awoof dey run belle! Ladies with small brains, money is not love so don’t be deceived by it. Some ladies have met trouble because of their long throats. For the guys who spend to impress or feel money can buy love, OYO is your case!

For security?  There is this aura of pride ladies exude when they say they have a man. Let me say that not being in a relationship doesn’t make you a less of a woman. If you are destined to be married, you will be. You don’t need to cling to a man because you feel uncomfortable telling people that you are not in a relationship. It is a warped mentality to look down on a lady because she has no man in her life. It takes a moment to meet a good man and it does not take eternity to get married to him if he is the one.

For convenience? Some ladies don’t entertain the idea of struggling with a guy. They want a man who has a good job, a car, an apartment, etc. in summary, a ready-made man. They want someone that would make their lives easier. When they find a ready-made man, they feel like they have won a lottery. They attach to him and convince themselves that they love or will love him even if they do not and may never. They do all they can to settle down with him because to them, he is gold; but realize later that there is still something missing. It is not a sin if he is still searching for a job or living with his parents. That ready-made man was not born ready-made.

Just for companionship? Some ladies love company. They hate being alone. If they have to be home alone, they call their friends or go over to a friend’s. They are the kind of ladies who send wrong signals to a guy who really wants them. They hang out him like a girlfriend would and this brother would think he has got himself a woman. But when he pops the question to make it official, they realise the commitment is way too much. They only wanted company and they use excuses like you are more like a brother to me after spending his cash and chasing away potential wife materials.

Because of pressure? I actually feel for these ladies because it is stressful when you live with a family who constantly drum it into your ears that you need to bring a man home and make it seem like it is your fault you have no man. Those who are not strong enough to stand their grounds give in and date any Tom that asks them out or any Harry their families hook them up with. The sad thing is even if they don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship; they just stay in it to avoid the pressure. Please do not be with a man due to pressure from anyone because none of those you are trying to please will stay in the relationship or marriage with you.

Because you are desperate? Desperation makes one do crazy things such as dating a man that is totally not your type. When some ladies hear the sound of their clock ticking towards 30, they become frantic and begin to look for guys like hawks looking for chicks. Any man becomes their choice as long as he is financially capable. They tell themselves marriage is not all about love and claim that as long as he can take care for you, everything will work out fine. Pure crap if you ask me! A fresh graduate is usually desperate for a job and is willing to take any that comes his way but after getting his first job, he starts looking for another option because he is not satisfied. Marriage is not like a job that you can change when you are not satisfied, so you cannot be desperate.

Because a prophet said so? Some ladies love to seek the opinions of prophets and some end up going to false prophets who give them false information and make them end up with the false…sorry wrong guy. Even when everything about the relationship is wrong, they still hold on to it. They become deaf to the silent whispers of God because they only have ears for the words of the false prophet. To such ladies, be careful! Not every prophesy is from God. Root yourself in the Lord and let Him guide you.

Because you feel stuck? This is for ladies who are in relationships that are not working and they know it. They know they need to leave but lack the willpower. Some count the years they have invested in the relationship, some think of the stress of starting the dating process over again, while for some, he is their first and they want him to be their last. It can be tough breaking up with someone you love, but not every relationship must end in marriage especially when you can see the writing on the wall.  It is not easy but you can do it. It will hurt but with time the pains will ease off. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage…and this cliché still holds water.

Now ladies I need you to think this over,
whether you are in a relationship or about to enter into one. Ask yourself,
If it were only me and this guy in the entire world, no expectations, no pressure, no one to please; would I still want to spend the rest of my life with him?
If your answer is “no” or “a doubtful yes”, please think twice before you get more committed or say “I do”.



Be uniquely different, be you.


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16 comments:

  1. Oh wow!!....I had to read this word for word...**sigh** mami...I would never understand this...having been in an abusive relationship in the past....I still wonder what my 'Why' was....lovely post mami...Would visit again...

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    1. Hi darl, please figure out your why so I can add it to my list. Thank God you are out of it and thanks for the compliment.

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  2. I wish every single or about-to-be-taken ladies out there would read this.

    There is an adage in Yoruba that sums this up...nkan ti oo ba nii je, ma fi run imu...whatever you have no intention of eating, don't bring it near your nostrils at all.

    Great post, Fredilia.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks dear, your yoruba adage says it all!

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  3. You have said it all! This is an issue that has kept me wondering. I was once in the "because you feel stuck" category. Thank God that's over. Amazing post dear!

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    1. Gracias Purpleheart! Sure it feels great to be unstuck!

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  4. So lovely and loaded. Meh! Absolutely informative!

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  5. Lovely piece dearie. Kip up the good work

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  6. Getting married should be about settling with someone you know and trust and love.
    Someone you can communicate with and will still be able to communicate with in 5, 10 or 15 years time, someone you can grow with.
    And if you don't find someone like that, keep looking. Don't let authority scare you into something you are not ready for.

    Cheers.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly! There is no sharp sharp in finding a partner.

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  7. Hey dear, i nominated you for an award, please check my blog for details... www.misspurpleheart.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh rily, thank you! Will check it out right away!

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  8. Some remain in because of societal pressure! Great post.

    I blog here:
    www.lovelifepearls.com
    www.lovelifepearls.com

    ReplyDelete

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