Thursday, November 28, 2013

Talking too much (Are you a compulsive talker?)

Talking is an important social skill. You need it to interact efficiently with others; you need it to communicate effectively; you need it when negotiating or closing a deal.
To talk is to express something by speaking
To talk is to have a conversation about something
To talk is to discuss a subject
To talk is to communicate
To talk is to reveal information.
To talk is to gossip.
To talk is to lecture.
To talk is to be friendly with someone.
To talk is to be persuasive.
To talk is to call attention... (From Encarta Dictionary)
Dalai Lama says, “The best way to resolve any problem in the human world is for all sides to sit down and talk.” While Morrie Schwartz quotes, “For me, living means I can be responsive to the other person. It means I can show my emotions and my feelings. Talk to them. Feel with them …”
and I love this from Joyce Meyer, “Prayer is simply talking to God like a friend and should be the easiest thing we do each day.”

Talking is essential. As long as God has blessed us with speech organs, we must talk. When some people open their mouths to speak, you hear intelligent use of words and wisdom, and we tend to push every distraction aside to listen to such people. You could call them conversationalists, public speakers, raconteurs, orators, and many more. On the other hand, there are some whose voices make us cringe, because once they start they don’t know how to or when to stop. Words gush out of their mouths like water gushing out of a broken pipe and most times, their voices are annoyingly loud. These are those we characterise as: compulsive talkers, gossips, blabbermouths, chatterers, windbags, tattlers, etc. The sad thing is that most of such people are oblivious of this weakness and ignorantly give this flaw of talking too much a facelift. They term it as being sociable, being informative or even see it as a form of bonding. Now you may ask, “How do I know if I talk too much?” 

When you see silence as an opportunity to talk
Silence is like a taboo to a compulsive talker. Not the awkward silence when you lack what to say, but the silence which indicates that the talk should be placed on hold while something more important is attended to. For instance if they are having lunch with friends or acquaintances, the only time you won’t hear their voice is when they are drinking water. Or if they are chatting with colleagues, they keep going on and on even if there’s pressing work that needs utmost attention. They don’t read meaning into silences. Even when it is obvious the other party would rather be doing something else like concentrating on a movie, eating their meal, working, or even thinking, they just yammer on. 

When you have the urge to always pass a comment on whatever you see
Compulsive talkers rarely keep their opinions to themselves, even those not worth sharing. If they see a person or people pass by, they must pass comments. They make comments on body sizes, outfits, hairstyles, shoes, rides, phones, sexuality, babies, spouses (panting...the list goes on). Most of the time, their intention is not to correct or appreciate, but for the mere sake of talking and they do it all the time. They say things like:
I cannot fix that kind of weave-on, see his ugly shoes, that skirt is too common (Don’t look down on them because they cannot afford better);
See her fat yam legs, his lips are too big, she is too busty (God made them that way, stop insulting!);
That guy must be her aristo (How do you know? He may be her uncle.)
They just dey speak fone, sure say they never smell airport breeze (Oga, madam, how do you know? Did you bug them?) etc.  If you cannot utter positive words, if you cannot advise them, if you cannot pray silently for them, just shut up!

When you always talk to yourself
Compulsive talkers love to fill the atmosphere with the sounds of their voices, not singing but talking, and they do it all the time. Thiers is not thinking out loud which could be helpful especially when one is really confused. Even this year’s GUS winner did it while searching for the lost item in the final episode. However in the case of compulsive talkers, they utter random unimportant sentences at a time just talking to themselves. They do this most times because there is no one to talk to or the person close to them is not one they can talk to and sometimes to gain attention. If you observe them, you will hear things like: I cannot find my pen, I will go to the salon tomorrow, I feel like eating popcorn, I feel like sleeping...yadda yadda yadda, which can be very distracting to the unfortunate person who has to hear it all. 

When you speak without observing if the other person is interested
Communication involves feedback but not for compulsive talkers. They do not bother to know if the other party is actively listening to them or just pretending to. Even when the other party gives obvious signs that they are not interested, they still don’t get it. It’s not because they are not smart enough to decipher such signs, but doing the talking is just fine by them, your interest doesn’t count. 

When you love to prolong issues
When a compulsive talker has a disagreement with anyone, they are quick to tell whoever cares to listen the ‘whole story’ because of their urge to always talk. They are happy to quickly fill you in on any detail you want; a reason and an opportunity to talk more. They make a big deal out of little issues that even when you beg them to stop talking, they tell you they are trying to pass a point across. Silence is not golden to them neither do they believe that it is the best answer.   

When you make other people’s business your business
Compulsive talkers love getting involved in everything, whether it concerns them or not. Wherever there is something happening, there you will find them. If they were journalists, news/entertainment bloggers, it would be pardonable because we could say it comes with the job; but compulsive talkers most times leave important matters unattended just to tatafo. Even if they cannot offer even the slightest form of help, they would ask questions and get all the information there is so they could share the gist. It is an honour for them to be the first to tell you the latest on any situation, no matter how irrelevant it is or how it has absolutely has nothing to do with them. When people are discussing, they yearn to be part of the discussion. They are always eager to chip in and join in. To them it is getting the latest gist but it is simply not minding your business and they do this because it gives them something to talk about, not necessarily because they are concerned.

When you find it hard to keep things confidential
Because of a compulsive talker’s urge to talk, they tend to say too much. After they have run of out what to say, they start going personal. The listener may at first see himself or herself as being a confidant but if you are observant enough, you will realise that you are not the only one the compulsive talker is sharing such confidential information with. You are just the most available option, and the moment you are not available, the next available person takes your place.

Talking too much or compulsive talking is a flaw that seriously mars the culprit. Unlike some bad habits that have physical side effects like pain, compulsive talking doesn’t, your tongue would never hurt you. Rather it eats away the reputation of the compulsive talker which is far worse.
The respect people have for you will reduce gradually.
People will be afraid to confide in you or trust you.
When you distract those around you with your excessive talking, you would eventually be seen as a nuisance. 
You would be seen as a gossip and a liar.
Ambrose Bierce a U.S. writer and journalist said, “A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen.” and Charlie Kaufman agrees in her quote, “Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.”
 “If I knew more, I wouldn't talk so much.” says Ljupka Cvetanova

Now you know what compulsive talking is (or simply put, talking too much) and how it affects you, you definitely need to work on this character flaw. Unless you are the type that believes in self development and regularly evaluate yourself rationally, you may not know if you have this as your shortcoming. It implies that when people tell you that you talk too much, instead of taking it as an insult, check yourself and make necessary changes if it is true. It takes conscious effort and you have to be patient with yourself. It is also very helpful if you tell someone close to you to keep a check on you and to work with you in monitoring your progress.
No one is perfect; we all work towards perfection. Compulsive talking is not the worst character flaw but it must be addressed when noticed. 
Remember, “The art of talking is beautiful when not abused.” Fredilia Momodu


  1. *Phew* Grateful that "Writing" Is not in the category... Oh well... I'm glad I'm not one.

    I talk to myself ALOT but I'm def NOT a compulsive talker.. *Smiles*

    Thanks for sharing and i hope it reveals to someone their flaw

    1. I hope it does too! If there was anything like compulsive writing, it should be a beautiful thing. *winks*

  2. Yammer! Yammer!! Yammer!!...we should always say less than necessary inorder to improve our reputation...9yc one Milady.
    This blog has made an interesting reading, I just hope it gets to the culprits.
    Keep it up! We're with you...

    1. Thanks dear, happy you enjoyed it. I also hope culprits learn...

  3. Lol, interesting like always...nice one Fredi


    1. Thank you darling, and thank you for featuring my post.


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